


Rivers and Roads (Til I Reach You)

by Starlithorizon



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, MJN Air Is A Family, Post Episode: s04e06 Yverdon-les-Bains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 19:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2122032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlithorizon/pseuds/Starlithorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leaving MJN Air would be the best choice, but Martin can't bear the thought of leaving his family to drown without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rivers and Roads (Til I Reach You)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the always-rad tjwock, one of the winners of a fic giveaway I did on my blog, and just an all-around lovely person.  
> Also, I didn't expect to write a post-Yverdon fic.  
> I didn't expect it at all.  
> Also, the title comes from "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart, which I played on loop while writing.

Martin sat in the worn chair where he had spent so many hours doing his logbooks and drinking coffee and enjoying the comfortable little family he had found. There were two letters placed side-by-side on his desk, inspiring shadows and nerves to gather in the corners of his heart. Both were addressed to SwissAir, and both would change everything at a molecular level.

He knew that Carolyn wanted him to take the job. That much was very obvious. She'd grown to love him as a son over the years, sometimes straightening the lapels of his jacket or knocking his hat back to the middle when it started to tilt over his wild curls. She was kind between all the little barbs, gentle even. After the excitement about the goose had died down in Uskerty, she had tended to his damaged hands in the airport bar, making shushing sounds when he voiced his pain.

She wanted him to fly, even at the cost of the people he loved the most. It was important to her that he flourish, though surely his own success would be detrimental to them.

Douglas, who had become a sort of father sometimes, brother at others, would likely suffer the most. After all, he was getting on in years with a record against his name. He couldn't go very far when he was, truth be told, a washed-up pilot playing alimony thrice over. Martin felt a hollow ache at just the very thought of throwing Douglas overboard. Arthur would likely be able to survive for a while without MJN, young and eager as he was, but he could just see the steward bouncing from job to job as employers grew tired of the very things that made him so wonderful. Poor Arthur didn't deserve that in the least. Some of the passengers were absolutely rotten to him, but he was loved by the rest of the crew. That was the least that he should get.

His heart ached as he studied the letters on his desk. One had his Parkside Terrace address written neatly in the corner, the other had MJN's address. He'd put one in the post tomorrow, and for now, all he could really do was agonize over his choice. And truthfully, how often did he get to make choices this big? He flew MJN because they were the only company to offer the position as captain, and he maintained Icarus because he needed a way to pay the bills. For the first time in a very long time, this was entirely up to him, and it was overwhelming. It had been exciting for nearly ten minutes before he started to feel like he was drowning.

That paycheck would be an incredible boon, allowing him to expand his whole world beyond flying and schlepping boxes from one place to another. And working with Herc would be nice, honestly. He liked Herc. He was kind and encouraging, and would likely help him move through the ranks more quickly than he would on his own. And he couldn't ignore the fact that he would be living fifty miles away from his girlfriend, instead of seven hundred. There were plenty of reasons for him to take the job.

Carolyn would flay him alive if he didn't.

Douglas and Arthur would drown if he did.

Sighing heavily, Martin scooped the letters up and slid them into his flight bag, readying himself for the day's journey.

* * *

"May is cutting it awfully close," Douglas said after a long stretch of silence. They were currently en route to Stjordal, which Martin was both looking forward to and dreading. He loved Norway, he really did. He found the crisp, grey landscape to be incredibly beautiful, and he always got kringle. But he also knew that, before they headed back to Fitton the next day, there would be a letter on the way to Yverdon with his answer.

"It's only the second," Martin said defensively, though Douglas had a point. He was drawing this thing out for as long as he could. Hell, sending a letter rather than calling or sending an email was just another stalling tactic. That should have been an indicator for him, proof that he didn't want to do this, proof that he didn't _have_ to leave his family high and dry. Yet here he was, with Douglas sitting next to him all concerned for his future.

He'd long since told Carolyn and Douglas the truth, and Carolyn had insisted with fervor that he just take the job.

"Those twenty-nine days are going to take no time at all," Douglas assured him quietly. "You should do it. You should take the job."

Martin grimaced and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

"Can we talk about this after we land?" he asked, a tendril of unhappiness winding its way into his voice.

Douglas just clucked his tongue and offered an, " _Of course_ " before lapsing back into silence.

* * *

"Martin, we're a sinking ship," Carolyn said sharply over dinner. Martin had explained the letters in his flight bag, and his hesitance. As he'd expected, Carolyn was all bluster. Douglas sat there, quieter than he'd ever been, nodding sagely. Arthur, poor Arthur, was ashen with the mere possibility of Martin leaving. He was a smart man, and he knew that Martin's desertion would sink MJN completely. He knew that things would be rough after that shipwreck.

"We've been a sinking ship since before you hired me," he pointed out. "Why should I be the one to ruin everything?"

"Because we managed to survive for years before I hired you, and we could survive for a few more months without you. We won't go out with a spectacular bang, and you know it."

"No, just the whimper of a dying animal," Douglas added. Both Carolyn and Martin shot him stern glares, though Martin's was made less intimidating by the sheer panic in his eyes.

"I can't just leave you all. I just can't."

"Tough," Carolyn said, though she softened as she said it. "You are going to accept the job at SwissAir, Martin. Either I can fire you tomorrow when we get home, or a month from now when you have a new job. It is your choice, but I'd rather you stay. For a month. Until you go and make something of yourself. Is that understood?"

"Carolyn, I—"

"Is. That. Understood?"

A beat, surrounded by a shimmering ache. His whole head swam with what this meant. She was making the choice for him. He could only ever leave them to die quietly.

"Yes," he whispered. "Understood."

* * *

Zurich was beautiful. He had enough free time that he could explore the city he now called home. There was a cafe he sometimes went to that had wonderful pastries, the grocery store he favored had plenty of Toblerones, he sometimes even got to see films on his days off. His flat was far nicer than Parkside Terrace, and the first time Theresa had come round, he hadn't felt especially embarrassed. With his new salary, he was able to treat her to a nice evening in a beautiful city.

He kept firmly in touch with MJN, calling or texting each of them every single day. He missed them dearly and had to be certain that they were doing all right without him.

But, even with Theresa visiting and Herc as his captain, Martin was incredibly lonely. Herc was his only friend in Switzerland, and every night, sitting alone in his flat with the telly humming in the background, he was confronted with his own misery.

He called Carolyn on the third of July, sadness leaving him hollow.

"You said that MJN could last for a few months without me," he said. "You told me, back in May, that you could keep going for a few months after I left."

"Hello to you too, Martin," she griped. "What can I help you with?"

"How much longer do you think MJN could keep going without me?"

"Until September, I reckon. Maybe before that, maybe not. What are you getting at, Martin? You can't already want to come back!"

That was exactly it, though. He needed to go back to Fitton, back to MJN, back to his family. It was entirely selfish. Right then, he didn't care a single whit about whether he could help keep the company afloat. He had to get out of this rotten, lonely flat. He had to get out of the cockpit he shared with Herc, who would rather talk about the world around them than play a word game. He had to go back to his home.

"You can let Douglas have the captain's seat," he said in a rush. "You don't have to pay me until you can; the van is at my mum's house, and I can go back to being a man with a van no problem. I hate it here, Carolyn. I really do."

"I'd never be able to pay you twenty-two thousand pounds a year, or probably over the course of your whole career. You'd be stuck."

"No," he said firmly. "I would be _home_."

* * *

How the attic flat hadn't been rented that whole month was beyond him, but Martin was happy to return to Parkside Terrace. He'd saved up enough that he'd probably be able to start looking for a flat once Carolyn paid him, but for now, that money allowed him to eat more than toast and pasta and baked potatoes.

Everything had returned to the way it had been before, with word games and promises of tea and Arthur calling just about everything _brilliant_. He went to bed every night, tired to the very marrow of his bones, but deeply, truly happy.

How could he have ever thought about leaving his family behind? It was a foolish, ridiculous notion. Of course, coming back and wearing himself to frayed edges was foolish and ridiculous, but it was so, so worth it. He was home.


End file.
